Is That You Or Does My Mouth Just Stink?

So i got back home from work relatively without incident lastnite. I guess maybe cos i was accosted at the bus-stop by this guy that wanted to help me "get back in fellowship with god". Right! Do i look lost to you, mofo? Nah... actually we got on well after he stopped tryng to convert me. I think he got the idea after i said "there was no way [he] was gonna convince me that going by Christ was the only way, cos that would be saying that Muslims, Hindus, Taoists, Shintoists, [Witches etc..] would all be going to hell"

Anyway.. so changed the subject and got other people to join. Namely Anthony, the South African guy who works in another department of CPW; A Fortyish looking guy who made the most stupid jokes about us "huddling to keep warm" ... "You know what will be the best thing to do now? ... Jump in the sea naked". It wasnt long before Anthony and I detached ourselves and found out we were bth interested in all things gadget. We browsed my site on his PDA/Phone.

Anyway... so l get off the bus @ Sherperds Bush and get a train from there to Kings Cross/St Pancras. All of a sudden i "notice" this stink. Distinctive garlic stink. I normally avoid eating garlic if i can help it. So i kept on moving around. Still stinks! So i give up and decide to put up with whoever had brought some garlic on the trains to kill the Tube Vampires.

I get to KC/PC and change trains. Victoria Line to Seven Sisters. I'd totally forgotten about the garlic now cos i probably wasnt "listening for it"... Then all of a sudden BAM! It hits again. Just then i realised... It cant be co-incidence.

Now remember the free pizza? Ya. It was me that was stinking the trains up. I quickly popped some gum in my mouth and tried to chew as quickly as possible without opening my mouth. I wonder what people that i'd moved closer to to escape from the "vampire slayer" had thought.

It All Pays Off

Being Lazy/Productive does pay off afterall.

I've just had a meeting with Paul. As of next week Monday, I'll not be working for CPW thru an agency anymore. I've just been offered a permanent position with a slight pay rise. I havent been moved to the IT department even though I'm spending the next few months liaising with them to see how we can make all repititive processing faster.

I'm generally of a 6 month probation, so I guess i cant get slack now. Let me pull on all the programming skills I've got and maybe in a year I'll make CEO. ha!

Aint Non O' That Booty Lover Bombshit

Ok before i got on... the title of this entry has got nothing whatsoever to do with what i'm writing in here. I just run out of titles.

Just to let you know... for those of you that dont... The Xbox Project has come to an end. Well almost. I've got enough money to but all the accessories I want. The DVD kit especially.

I found this item on eBay that was just about what i needed and more. I has the console, obviously... and the two games i wanted Halo and Splinter Cell. Plus two other games. Jet Set Radio Future and Sega GT. Best of all it included the DVD kit I was gonna buy for £18 seperately had i bought it elsewhere. Too bad it hasnt got the DVD Region X kit. I guess i'll have to get that on my own.

All that for a whopping ... wait a minute.. £205. Now considering i wont get to play it much, it's pretty steep you say? Yeah well... that the first time i've bought a game console EVER in my life. My gameboy and Sega Family Comp back when i was in Ghana were bought for me. Anyway... i think i got a good deal. A console that play DVDs and a whol lotta stuff...

Best of all.... i only used money i didnt earn to buy it. Money i'd already spent or that was donated.

Pee Wee's Big Pissing Contest

I actually do enjoy my work. It's the best things since Google's Toolbar. I'm yet to sign the documents that will bind me to this job for rest of the year. What happens after that only god knows.

Anyway... because i can actually work without working. Thanks to the one-button thing.... i spend most of the time checking my mail and surfing MT Support. I modified the script to beep in my ear when an error occurs so i dont have to spend hours staring at the screen waiting for an erorr to occur. Even then, i dont seem to be able to get off my seat.

The only time i'm off the seat is to get a bottle of OJ (orange juice) from the cafeteria. That's once only for the OJ... the rest of the time i'm in loo emtying my bladder. It's like full every hour or so, and It's not like i'm drinking anything. I think some characters in the gents are too regular... but of course they may be thinking the same of me. Next time maybe i should say something like, "Hey we gota stop meeting like this."

My back hurts. I think i'm actually tired. First time in a while. OK... gotta go now, mini-break's over. Oh ya... did i tell you guys i'm getting my own desk on Monday? Yeah just me... no one else. Hm.

Martin Bashir To You Too!

So it took me a coupla day to voice out my opinion. Not that it matters much to anybody though...

Martin Bashir betrayed MJ, as Heather comments here. After 8months and all the time you could see he was playing for the camera. Those snide remarks at the "shopping spree". The guy's got about a billion dollars. So what if he spends a million on junk? He does give.

As for the sleeping in bed with children thing... I probably wont do it myself, but then again he wrote Heal The World and We Are The World. He's just showing love as he says.

He blatantly lied about his plastic surgery.. but wouldnt you? How many lies have YOU told today? I'm on 3 already and i havent even had lunch yet. Give the guy a break.

Shoutbox Imposter Hack Addon

Ok so you've installed Shoutbox. And you're having some problems with people posing as you so you add the imposter hack. Then all of a sudden you realise that it works against you too.

Why? because the imposter hack thinks you're an imposter if you forget and type your name in. Annoying eh? Worse still after calling you an imposter, it remembers you as "Imposter" so even after you go into shoutbox admin and modify the name, you still have to remember everytime to type your codename.

Here's how to fix it:

Copy the code above, find the file in your shoutbox installation called shoutbox.php. Open it in a text editor and scroll to the bottom. Place the code just before the closing PHP tags ie. ?>. Edit it by changing your_name to the value you set in the imposter ban script. ie. What is shown when you enter your codename. Note that if you set the imposter script to show anything other than Imposter when someone tries to pose as you, then you'll need to change the script you just added to pick up that value as well.

Now scroll up till you see this line:
// *BOB* --- Set the users nick and url in a cookie for next time:

replace the line after that with:
storeCookie($nick,$BSpattern0); That's it. You're done.

WHAT THE CODE DOES:
The line you replaced is what tells shoutbox to store a cookie to remember a person so they dont have to type thier name an URL everytime. You replaced it to call the new function you added.

The function get's the nickname as would be displayed on the page not what the person entered. It also gets your codename. ie. what you enter so that your real "shoutbox name" is displayed.

It then checks to see if the person commenting is an imposter. If they are... then it doesnt store thier name. So that when you forget sometimes and you entered your name instead of your shoutbox name, at least you'll get an error next time you try to comment it'll be blank. Sort of a reminder about "last time".

If you entered your codename, it'll show the name you want to appear in shotbox alright, but it'll remember you codename so you dont have to type it again.

If it doesnt fit any of the two categories, that is, not an imposter nor is it you, then it treats it like normal and saves whoever is shouting's name.

NB: This script only works after you've installed the imposter hack script.

Pics Update

Enough Putting Off!

I finally got round to it and trimmed my MSN buddy list to 21 names. From 76! The listed was just bloated with people I'd blocked and franky had no intention of talking to. It was so varied in a sense that it included Okyeame Kofi (of Akyeame), who i'd surprisingly talked to a coupla times... to this other guy i'd bought something from on ebay who was proving elusive.

So there here's the list:

If you dont find yourself on the list... it probably means i dont wanna talk to you on MSN anymore. And you probably dont wanna talk to me either. Most of the names i've deleted, I've also blocked before deleting. Now i can safely set my status to Busy all day if i want. The names i didnt block are those that i'll probably be talking to but keep annoiyng me with long names. (Satwant and Mo are guilty as hell)

That's it... i dont need to clean up my Yahoo! Messenger list cos i cant just appear offline if i want... which i've been doing since wayback.

Rum In My Gum

It's just so wierd. Either my mind is playing tricks on me or my Juicy Fruit tastes like rum. It's ben happening for at least a week. I take out one... bring it close to my mouth and there's that distinctive aroma/smell of Jamaican rum. So then i start chewing it... and it doeas TASTE like rum.

OK. I gotta go back to work.. i'm working late today. My thumb hurts already.

Killer bewu Laa'show

Growing up in Ghana in the 80s and early 90s... I almost pissed my pants when i say this picture (below) and a whole host of others.

The good guy is always called "Blowman" and the bad guy "Killer". Even if they're only pulling insurance scams. The thing is i didnt get to watch many movies in cinemas growing up cos it was s'posed to be where the bad boys hung out. And my parents "didnt want me smoking wee". But then of course it all boils down to there being little form of [enforced] censorship in cinemas back in the day.

The cinemas were mostly made of wooden blanks boarded together.... so kids could peek thru and watch porn. Now woe betides you if you get caught. In Ghana then (and now)... anybody NOT on bad terms with your parents could chastise you if you go wrong. That includes people who dont know your parents. You'll get knocked over and slapped.... and of course even if you could report the beating to your parents, what d'u say? "I got caught watching Doggymatronix at Odei's Cinema"? Dont think so.

Ok now i'm drifting, but seeing all those pictures has brought back memories... but i'm not coughing up $125 for those shit drawings... cos underneath all that intro... that's what they are.. shit drawings.

I wonder if they'll buy the similar drawings i made of Rambo in Classes 1 thru 3? I wasnt that good... but the aim wasnt to be good but to send a hint ot the teacher that they were as boring as FTSE100 (Hint: cockney rhyming slang)

The I-Dont-Poo Facade

I've been told explicitly before to leave my toilet issues in the toilet, but i gotta talk about this. Think of it as therapy. Well sort of.

See i have this thing.... When i'm not at home or at a familair place, I dont want people to see me coming out of toilets. When i was in Monoux, for those two years, i used the toilets probably about 3 times and two of those were on the same day [yeah, play around with that idea].

The thing is... given a choice, I'd rather not be seen coming out of a toilet. At work and other places... what i do when i'm finished is wait till it's silent, meaning [probably] everyone had left. Then i flush and quickly go to the sinks. Now if anyone walks in and the water in the toilets is running, they can only guess that i was me... but they wouldnt actually see me come out of there.

Now today... i managed to wake up early enough to eat breakfast. Involving Alpen and skimmed milk. But the only kind of milk that doesnt make my stomach run the whole day is the evaporated type.

Just turned out today was the unofficial go-wash-my-hands-and-pop-pimples day cos as soon as one person left.. another person came in. After about 2minutes i gave up and walked out staring at the floor. Quickly washed my hands and dried them. Then whoosh! Outta there.

The second time, for the first time in a while, I walked out looking all smug... "Yeah I'm bad... I didnt go in there just to take a leak y'know. Smell that? Ya that's me!" Ok... i didnt exactly say that but i was not worried so much about people seeing me coming out of there.

Now the only "fear" i have to beat is not worrying about whether people in the other stalls or urinals can actually hear me. Y'know... like the sploshes and farts and stuff.

Broadwater Farm

Was the venue for Kofi's 'cousin' Nicky's 18th birthday bash. It proved to be an excuse for the jamaican and ghanaian community to unite and groove to the sounds of dancehall, reggae, & what not. I'm sure that Nicky didn't select the majority of the tracks. Her choice was only played early on in the night.. ie. before anyone had drunk enough to start dancing and the lights had been dimmed.

I haven't attended a proper 'ethnic' party since.. time ago, back in the day when my family actually got along with each other. I missed all the oversized pots of rice & peas, goat curry, chicken, and your usual jamaican dishes.. not forgetting the jollof rice that Kofi's mum made.. including the barbeque sticks. I attended this event as the being on Kofi's arm with the efficiency in serving alcoholic beverages at the bar. It turned out that my skills acquired from working at Megabowl's Bar in the past, had earned me great efficiency, customer relations and an excuse to meet people there (majority of whom I didn't know.)

I suppose drinking behind the bar was a bonus, as it was a party n all. Kofi disappeared for a short period of time at one point, wondering where he'd got to, I located him by squinting at his shaven head bopping up and down in the middle of a circle of cheering crowd members. He had appeared to have his dancing shoes on 'show off'. Oh, and not forgetting the return of the lollipop girl. In fact, the moment we walked in the room, he started to laugh to himself and eventually confessed that she was here, but wouldn't tell me who she was. Turned out it was obvious when she finally came to the bar and Kofi started to act up (in a friendly way). She seemed nice enough, however its not like I actually had a conversation with her. I think she's jamaican.. plus she has a twin. Plus they were both wearing wigs of some kind (either that or purrrfect hair!).

I enjoyed the dancing, foremost, I've now perfected the skill of dancing exclusively in platforms, but I'm yet to work out how to achieve this without twisting my ankle slightly and having to limp all the way home barefoot. Thank god for 24/7 mini cab shops! It literally appeared out of nowhere while Kofi and I were practically licking this guy's feet (however he charged us £4 for a 2 minute ride!!)

So that was Saturday, and I enjoyed every moment of it. Same goes for Friday.. except for the excessive waiting in the cold.. ;)

GOGGLE.COM

Before I get to the subject of this entry, just to say that Kofi has limited access to the net this week, because instead of 'working' (ie. browsing freely online while listening to occasional beeps in his ear), he's actually being given an induction (yea, a li'l late, I know) at his job, of which requires some white lies and as quoted "corporate ass licking".

Anyway, take yourself away from that for the time being.

You want to install Winzip at work however you can't because you don't have an admin code or whatever. So you call someone to help you. He leans over your shoulder and types in the following;

GOGGLE.COM

Yes.. with the Caps lock on, at minimal speed. He then presses the 'Go' button next to the address bar. (What happened to 'Enter??')

You're thinking, ok he mispelt 'Google', like several others have probably done in the past, hence a quick redirection from that site occurs. This person then types in 'Winzip' in order to find the Winzip website.. turns out to be Winzip.Com, surprise surprise.

Marvelling at his slight incompetency he searches a while on the website for Winzip and chooses the order button. Realises his mistake and goes for one of the dated versions. You correct him politely and eventually you've got to download and he then decides to leave.

So you're wondering, 'why ask this guy who seems to know very little about using a computer, browsing and using the internet'.

Well this guy turned out to be one of the 'top' IT guys at Kofi's workplace.

Well.. it sounded funny when Kofi told it to me anyway..

And for those of you wondering when he'll be back.. I don't know, he may manage to sneak away from the 'ass' licking at any time, by that time instead of complaining about wine gums tasting like rum, it'll be OJ tasting like.... ;)

Fo shizzle to my X-Box

I've been instructed by Faf to compensate for his abscence. I'll try to write in a similar way to him, but no guarantees.

I haven't blogged for days cos of the induction at work. There's only four of us, so it'd be real obvious if I were to slip away to the computer and be browsing while the leader is asking about what we'd do if we'd won the lottery. ( I told them I'd already won the lottery; a tenner last week!)

The X-box has taken over my life, so my thumb will start to hurt again. I've been playing Halo more than the other games, but there's no cheats for it. I have to play it from end to end without any cheating or secret passages. So I'll be busy for a while.

Oh, and MT rocks. So does Busta Rhymes. (I just added that in for authenticity).

Ok, fine, so I can't write like him.. I'm just me! Any suggestions.. I tried making a list;

Have I missed something?

Analyze Them!

As Abe's already explained. I'm doing a training session all week with 12 new recruits and 1 guy who's been temping for 6 months. I dont really have much time so here's a breakdown of what i think when i look at all of them:

UPDATE: (22.02.03)
The whole week was set aside for training. On the last day of training, Mike took us all to The Castle for a coupla drinks. Drinks were on the company. I got the chance to talk to most of them and as such realised how my initial analysis was off the mark. Some of it was due to me not paying attention enugh. Others were due to... i dunno, just prejudice, i s'pose.

Can you guess which number i am? Oh... i'd also like to mention that Mike, our trainer is best you could get. He makes it all enjoyable. I'm gonna go back to work now. See y'all later.

Get Out Your Expletives

Why is it that some people on the Tube just seem to be lying in wait for an announcement of some delay to be made so they could practice swearing? It's almost funny when they go, "Fuck fuck fuck. Fucking fucking fuck fuck. Shitting fuck. Fucking hell. Fucking fucks. Fucking wankers. Fuck fuck fuck"

I'd laugh... but it's a bit scary as well. Cos you never know who it is, or what might cause them to snap. Its kindda funnier when the person is an obvious foreigner with another language as their mother tongue. Then you realise they don’t have much to say apart from variations of the word "fuck". They seem so bent on shocking the rest of the people in the coach, but they haven’t realised yet that the F-word has lost its shock effect. In another year, they'll realise that the word is so common that it won’t be long before they'll stop censoring it.

Wanna shock people on a coach when the driver starts announcing, "We're sorry this train will not be proceeding to Walthamstow Central as previously announced. This is due to a fire being reported in a Tokyo subway. Please proceed to platform 4..."? I'll give you a hint; say "Three Wet Menstruating Cunts!!" Some will laugh, the rest with be disgusted or nonchalant, but most will be too shocked to realise what you'd just said.

Pure Undiluted 24

I think i know what groupies feel like now. You know when people get hugs from popstars and the like and cry? Like when people take a picture with Michael Jackson and faint? Like when Dave from Gloucester gets asked by his girlfriend whether he loves football more than her and he goes, "Watching or Playing?". That's how i feel about 24. I watched episode 2 and 3 of the seconds series yesterday and when it was over, I felt like crying.

No, I didnt actually cry, and no i havent been taking any female hormaones, and no I'm not turnig into a sissy, and no it wasnt because it was over. It was because the show was SO good. After the first season. People insisted they couldnt top it. All those people have been proved wrong.

I love the show so much that even though the US website has analysis up to the 15 episode as at now (heard it thru the grapevine), I will NEVER take a peep at it. This is the first time i've felt like that about a show.

I plan on watching every single second of the show. I'll miss some but thank god for the BBC and it's many channels. For instance, I'll miss the first show of episode 4 on BBC Three this coming Sunday because I'll be on a coach returning from Nottingham, but that will be shown the Sunday after on BBC2.

Oh.... Just FYI, anyone who tries to take the priviledge of watching the show away from me is MY enemy for those 50mins or so. And the same applies to anyone who tries to ruin the show for me by telling me about it before it's shown here (in the UK).